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.However,whenever I find that I m experiencing intense fear likethis, I try to know and understand this fear better, and askmyself,  What am I really afraid of?We almost never afraid of what we re actuallyredoing or even sometimes of what we think we re afraid ofon the surface.I m not usually all that scared about speak-ing in front of a large group of people I do it all the timeand really love it.What I m most often scared of in thoseinstances are people s judgments, my own perceived weak-nesses and insecurities, looking like an idiot, or other self-imposed  threats that in most cases aren t actually real,just imagined in my own mind.Because these are fears I mfamiliar with, I ve trained myself to not let them get in myway even when I feel them intensely.My body still reactsto the adrenalin and I still feel the fear in my body, but thatdoesn t stop me from getting up and speaking anyway.When we know and understand our fears and arewilling to face them in an honest way, they don t have to transform your fear 123hold us back from being our authentic selves and doingwhat we need and want to do.Appreciating Our FearAppreciating our fear might seem like an odd thing to do,but it s very important.We experience fear for a reason,and it almost always has something valuable to teach us,if we pay attention to it.Fear can be a powerful motivatorand teacher.And while we don t want to live our lives in aconstant state of fear, being able to appreciate our fears willallow us to learn from them, make peace with them, andultimately tap into them in a positive way.Think of some ofthe positive aspects of having fear.Fear can" Save our lives and keep us from harm" Let us know when something is important to us" Teach us a lot about life, ourselves, and being human" Give us access and insight into our vulnerability" Show us places where we can grow and have more com-passion for ourselves and others" Connect us with other people in a profound, authentic,and universal way" Give us opportunities to take risks and be courageousThese are some of the many things we can appreci-ate about our fear.Something I believe that s important foreach of us to have as we continue to grow and evolve isa healthy sense of our fear.This not only means that we 124 BE YOURSELF, EVERYONE ELSE IS ALREADY TA K E Ncan sense  danger in an effective way but also means thatwe re able to recognize fear as the natural response that itis.For example, one of my clients was a woman namedSue.When I met Sue, she was in her mid-forties and hadworked in the technology industry in Silicon Valley foralmost twenty-five years, ever since she graduated fromcollege.She d reached a professional crossroads in her life.She no longer enjoyed her job; the only part she really likedabout what she did was mentoring, coaching, and workingwith the people on her team.Because of this, she decidedto change directions completely.She wanted to becomea life and business coach, as well as write books and leadworkshops.She kept her day job at her technology com-pany, but put herself in a coaching training program anddecided to hire a coach, which turned out to be me.After we d been working together for a few monthsand Sue had encountered some challenges in her initialattempts to get her new coaching business started, shesaid to me,  I don t understand why I m so nervous aboutdoing this.I ve been a part of startup companies before,and I love coaching the people on my team, but for somereason the thought of going out on my own terrifies me.My response to her was,  Good! That means this reallymatters to you and it s wonderful that you re in touch with,aware of, and willing to admit your fear about it.Now,here s where the real fun and the real work begin.First ofall, have some compassion for yourself and remember thatfear is a normal human emotion especially when you redoing something new like this.Second, between now transform your fear 125and our next session, ask yourself honestly,  Why am I soscared? What specifically am I afraid of? And, how can thisfear help me as I create my new career? In our next coaching session Sue said,  I ve been giv-ing myself some time and space to really think about andmore importantly feel some of my deepest fears about start-ing my new business as a coach.I realize that many of mysurface-level fears about making enough money, what peo-ple will think about me for leaving my successful career andstarting a new one, and others like that, while true, aren twhat s really holding me back.My deeper fears are that Iwon t be any good at this, that I might not be able to helppeople or even worse might do them harm, and that if I tryto do this and fail, everyone will know and see, especiallyme, that I m a total fraud. When Sue shared this last fear,her voice quivered and she began to cry.I felt the honestyand vulnerability of what she shared and appreciated it.I said,  Sue, thanks for being real and telling the truth.Good work! It takes courage to be honest with yourself likethis and to admit it to someone else.I acknowledge youfor your vulnerability. Then I asked,  How can these fearsactually help you in this process? I m not exactly sure, she said. I got a little stuckwith that one.But as I thought about it, and based on someof what we ve been talking about for the past few months,maybe these are similar fears to ones that some of my cli-ents will be dealing with, and my own ability to work withthem in my life will give me more compassion, awareness,and understanding for them. 126 BE YOURSELF, EVERYONE ELSE IS ALREADY TA K E NSue was exactly right.Over the next few months weworked a lot on her accepting her fears, sharing them withothers, and allowing herself to feel them by talking aboutthem honestly, writing them down, and spending time onwalks and in meditations actually feeling them.It wasn tabout her dwelling on her fear or obsessing about her wor-ries, it was about her allowing herself to experience them,learn from them, and ultimately appreciate them and usethem for her own growth.While Sue did not  rid herselfof these fears completely, which is never really the goalanyway, she was able to move through them and integratethem into her life by simply allowing herself to feel andexpress them in an authentic way [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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