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.Her fingers rippled through his hair.'I don't love you, Alexander Petrovich.I don't think I'm the loving kind.But God how I want you! I realised that on my drive back to London the other night that if I didn't have you I'd regret it the rest of my life.Have you ever known that about a woman?'Galitsin raised his head.'Not before you.But it is something that I have felt since I saw you sitting in that comer, at Hastings.But this is not just you and me; This is Helena, and perhaps your friend Shirley, as well.'She kissed his mouth, held him for a long while.'It's your girl friend, too.If you walk out I will splash it all over the front page of every newspaper in.London.Then there will be no risk of her answering the advertisement.''Were I a cynic I would say that is your only reason for bringing me here.''I've told you why I brought you here.But a scoop like that would do me a world of good.' She got up, went to the stairs.'And believe me or not, I'd also like to get you out of the mess you're in, Alexander Petrovich.'He watched her legs disappear, put the guard in front of the fire, picked up their drinks and followed.Nancy Connaught lay on the bed, her hands beneath her head.She was naked.Her skin was the palest he had ever seen, paler even than Kirsten Moeller's, and dotted with freckles.There were even freckles on the huge, pink-tipped breasts.He wondered if Helena would look like this, before Tigran Dus.He could not imagine Helena naked.He had never thought of her naked.But his decision was made.And yet the blame had to rest with the woman.Because he was a human being, he supposed, and a coward.He gave Nancy her glass.'You are forcing me to choose between Irena and Helena.Between my happiness and my sister's misery.'"Do you really believe that, Alex? Where would be the point in harming your sister? Oh, I can see that she makes a useful threat.But if you opt out, you opt out.You Russians never struck me as being vicious.'He kissed her stomach, moved up and down the brown dots.'Opt out? What strange words you use.The Soviet Union is my country, Nancy.You are asking me to betray my people, my ideals.''I like that.What you're doing, I mean.' She pressed his head into her breasts, hugged it tight.'You are growing on me, Alexander Petrovich.I could just adore you.Bite, Alex.Please bite.'He bit, and she shivered.'You wish to mother me.Women always wish to mother me.Soviet Russia is my mother.'She threw him on his back, leaned over him, dragged her nipples up and down his face.'Keep going, darling.If I give you another hour, you'll have spouted all the claptrap you've contracted for the past thirty years.Listen to me, I'm not talking about Brother Bruin, or Uncle Sam, or old John Bull.That stuff is for politicians.I'm talking about people.About you.You're too darned nice, too sincere and too thoughtful, to be a soldier.You're hot a murderer, and they're trying to make you one.That will be the end of Alexander Galitsin.You'll be a number on their files, an agent.And I'm talking about your friend Irena.She's going to die too, you know.You love her, and you'll be kissing her into her grave.''She will not answer the advertisement.''Then they'll think of something else.Oh, sure, maybe they'll do that anyway, but at least you won't be a part of it.''And you are not also thinking of yourself, Nancy?''I haven't denied it.But I can help you, Alex.I know the right people.I'll get you asylum, either here or in the States.Sure I want a bit of butter on my bread, but I won't run out on you.'All that remained was the act of will, the saying of the word, the decision.The last of all decisions? Or the first of a whole series of decisions, each more damning, more frightening, more absolute than the last?'And what do I believe, Nancy? How do you take a man's mind and tune it like a radio ?''Try believing in freedom.''And that is not claptrap?''Not my sort of freedom.I believe a man, or a woman, should be free to live as he pleases, to die as he pleases, when he pleases.He should be free to eat and drink and smoke himself into an early grave, or starve himself ditto.He should be able to screw whenever he pleases, whoever he pleases, providing the attraction is mutual.He should have the opportunity to earn a great deal of money, and the right to five like a pauper, if he chooses.'You are beginning to sound like an anarchist' You mean I'm beginning to sound like an anarchist should.But nowadays even anarchists have rules and regulations, codes of behaviour and codes of discipline.Oh, I'm not going to pretend I'm popular.In the U.K.I'm regarded as a complete nut.But the important thing is, they let me get on with it.''We have people like you in the Soviet Union.The state ignores them too.''Arguing with you is bloody difficult The difference is just a shade, but it's there.In the Soviet Union you can opt out, fine.And that's it, so long as you keep out of trouble [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]