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. True enough.But I do know him.After I cooled off, I was able to think about this more clearly.About how he s been acting, and why.The Holt I know doesn t get worked up over chicks. Hedragged a hand down his face. The guy I saw at the party, fighting with you and asking you to listen,isn t a guy who doesn t care.She twisted her purse in her hands. You re wrong.He  No, I m not.I know Holt. He cocked his head. But I have to wonder& Do you?She swallowed hard, her eyes feeling dry and sandy and broken.Just like her heart. I& yes, ofcourse I do.I know things you don t know, too. His headaches? He told me and Cooper about them yesterday.He said he d been worried aboutadmitting the truth about his  shortcomings.  Steven air-quoted that word with a wince. But hedidn t need to worry about that.Cooper would never have fired him for that.It s not how he rolls.She stilled. He told everyone? she asked, her voice coming out way too soft. Yeah, he said, shrugging. He said he hadn t wanted to come clean, but that a girl who he caredabout made him see it wasn t such an embarrassment after all.And from now on, if he feels anotherepisode coming on, all he has to do is let Cooper know that he ll need time off.I m guessing that thegirl he talked about? Yeah, that was you. O-Oh. So tell me&  Steven crossed his arms and leaned on the doorframe. Does that sound like a guywho doesn t care?I don t know.I don t know anything anymore.She swallowed hard, doubting herself for the firsttime since driving away, and averted her face from him. One second you re punching him fortouching your little sister, and the next you re championing him? What can I say? I had time to cool down, and I realized if you re going to be with some guy, itmight as well be one like Holt.He ll treat you right& because he knows if he doesn t, he ll answer tome. Steven rubbed his jaw. Want me to talk to him for you, too? No.God no. She opened her door and walked in, blocking him from entering. Look, I love you.You know I do.But I need to be alone right now.I need to think.He nodded. Yeah.Sure. Thanks.After closing the door in his face, she leaned against it and let out a long breath.Sinking to thefloor, she dropped her head on her knees.Maybe she shouldn t have run away like that.What if, bysome crazy long shot of fate, he d been about to tell her he wanted more, too? She should have givenhim the chance to talk.Maybe, just maybe, she would have liked whatever he d been about to say.But she d left.Hadn tlistened.What the heck was she supposed to do now? Go back and say,  Well, you know, maybe I lllisten to you after all.Sorry for that dramatic exit.Someone knocked on the door, and she had no doubt who it was.Steven, of course.He never couldleave her alone when she was upset, which was admirable most of the time.But not today.Growlingunder her breath, she stood up and cracked the door open. Steven.I told you to The words died in her throat.Because Holt stared back at her through his thick-rimmed blackglasses and slid his foot in the crack of the door. Don t close the door in my face.Just give me asecond to explain.Please. I-I won t.He nodded once, but didn t seem to relax at all. I m sorry, Lyd.I m so fucking sorry I said thethings I did.I didn t mean them.I swear it.I was an idiot.She gripped the door, not opening it, but not closing it either.She d been wishing that she had givenhim a chance to explain, and now he was here.Like magic.Now, it was time to listen. Which things,exactly? I didn t lose the feeling.I don t think I ever will.And you re right, I shouldn t have lied to get ridof you, but I thought I was being noble or some shit like that. He rested a hand on the wall outsideher door, staring at her with those deep blue eyes of his that killed her. I swear on my honor to nevertry to be noble again.She choked on a laugh. Um& okay. And I swear to never lie to you again.I won t try to protect you from me, and I won t hide the factthat we re together from anyone or anything ever again.Hell, if you take me back, I ll shout it from therooftops.Tattoo it on my forehead.Whatever the fuck you want.Shaking her head, she forced herself not to laugh.This was the most untraditional grovel ever, but itwas perfect, because it was so very Holt.She almost didn t want to say anything, because then hewould stop.And he was saying the best things. Holt&  Life is filled with choices that lead us down roads.And you know what sucks? The roads youdon t take never get explored.The choice I made the other day led me down a road I didn t want totake. He swallowed hard. I don t want to leave the road that we would have lived on untouched.Idon t want to be the other me, the one who let you leave.I want to be the me that keeps you by myside forever.Tears blurred her vision, and she bit down on her lip, letting him say his piece. And I know.I know I fucked up big.I chose the wrong fucking road. He tapped his fingersrestlessly. I knew the second I sent you away that I was going to regret it, but I didn t realize howmuch, and how fast. Then why did you do it? she asked, gripping the door tight. I already told you that.I thought I was being noble. He lifted his hands, then let them fall. Iswear to never do that shit again.I m not kidding.I m not noble at all I need you.Her lips twitched. You do? Yes. He dragged a hand through his hair, and shoved his glasses back into place, his attentionfocused on something over her shoulder. And you know what? For the life of me, I don t know howthe hell you can like that moment when Rose and the Doctor are separated forever by a fucking wall.She blinked. It s emotional, and heartbreaking, and  Yeah, no shit.I learned that. He kicked at a piece of crumpled paper in the hallway [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]