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.The town that neveraccepted her in her life, now trades on the memories ofher celebrity.smack and southern comfort 27 08_147_02_Ch01.qxd 5/13/08 5:58 AM Page 28 08_147_03_Ch02.qxd 5/13/08 5:58 AM Page 29&& You Must Remember WhenShe Shot Her Husband! ivorces in Texas generally tend to be civilized that is, asDcivilized as any other dispute that triggers some of thestrongest, most violent emotions to be found in human rela-tionships.Truth to tell, some are less civilized than others,some are rancorous, and then occasionally, one partner or theother will push the wrong button, and mayhem and murdererupt.When those divorces occur, either the last man or womanstanding needs a lawyer.Such a lawyer is Richard Racehorse Haynes, whose nick-name originated with his football coach at a Texas high school.(Who else but his coach would have given it to him?) He keptthe name and adopted it as part of his persona fast, sleek, andable to go the distance.He served in World War II as an armyparatrooper and was decorated for action on Iwo Jima.Alwaysa daredevil, Racehorse has always been absolutely fearless andnot necessarily a model citizen.Besides riding his motorcyclethrough a motel lobby, he once talked his way out of a drunk-driving ticket by doing a back flip off the bumper of hisPorsche.Since the inception of his practice, he has schooled him-self to be a splendid actor who can and will summon a wealth2929 08_147_03_Ch02.qxd 5/13/08 5:58 AM Page 30of different emotions on cue.He likes to say that he oweseverything to clean living and constant prayer. For most of his professional life, Haynes has circulated therumor that he has performed the ultimate lawyer trick (a leg-end rather than a witnessed fact).He claims to have paid adoctor to give him a shot in his hand.Then at a strategicmoment in his argument when he was maintaining vocifer-ously that it wouldn t hurt much to be nailed to a tree, hedragged out a hammer and a nail, slapped his hand down, andnailed himself to the table.Law students talked about the crucifixion case forever,although none knew anyone who had actually seen him do it.When closely questioned, Haynes will reluctantly admitwith a smile, I have always regretted that my case was sostrong I was able to win without doing that. As part of his permanent ego trip, Racehorse has spreadthe story that with enough time and money, he could win anylawsuit, anywhere.He maintains that if Richard Nixon hadhired him, the disgraced president would have left office at theend of his term rather than being forced to resign.Haynes fur-ther states that since reasonable doubt exists in all thingshuman, he could have gotten Hitler off on a reduced charge ofmalicious mischief.Of course, Haynes laughs when he makesthese outrageous statements, but the underlying steel in hisexpression makes one wonder.Racehorse has now passed his eightieth birthday but stillpractices law in Houston.Because of his emeritus positiontoday, he chooses his cases, though to do so is not exactly anew practice for him; Haynes has been very selective almostfrom the beginning of his career.When Haynes made the list of ten best criminal defenselawyers in Texas, a reporter asked him, Do you agree withtheir estimation? Racehorse replied straight-faced, I believe I am. Then hesmiled slightly. I wonder why you restrict it to Texas. 30 outrageous texans 08_147_03_Ch02.qxd 5/13/08 5:58 AM Page 31He loves to tell the story of the first felony case he everwon.It was an acquittal for a poor black man.His fee was$300, but when the words not guilty were spoken, ol Jessewas hugging me, his big fat wife was hugging me, his eightkids were hugging me, his relatives were slapping me on theback and saying thanks for saving Jesse and inviting me hometo dinner.You don t get that feeling winning money from aninsurance company
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