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.She hadn’t taken it to the outside bin yet.‘So, where are you guys up to so far?’ she asked brightly, pulling the book towards her, holding it up high in the hope of keeping their eyes off the floor.‘Cec, it’s not about the maths,’ Lee said quietly.‘No,’ Jordan agreed.‘It’s not.’There was something missing from their voices.Or something extra in there.Cecilia wasn’t sure.They were just different.‘Cec, we’re here to say something.We need to say something to you,’ Meredith said, and it was weird hearing Meredith’s soft and serious tone with no laugh in it.‘Someone put a note in Lee’s locker,’ Meredith continued.‘And anyway, we all suspected something was wrong.You never eat at school.Like, never.We’re worried about you, Cec.Cec?’The nothing inside Cecilia’s stomach was churning.Her heart thumped as violently as it did after an hour straight of dance.Lee blinked.She passed a torn page from a notepad to Cecilia.The words were handwritten, in writing she didn’t recognise.I think you should know that your friend was on a website at Coco's Cafe.It's a website that offers tips and tricks for anorexia and bulimia.I hope this information can help you help her.That was it.There was nothing else on the page.It was already too much.Cecilia felt the panic shoot through her body, rising up from her toes to her chest.Suddenly, she remembered the school dress, the legs as they walked towards the computer she’d been using.She could have kicked herself.How could she have been so careless? It was so stupid of her not to pay attention.She had no idea who owned those legs.Who would do this to her?‘This note doesn’t mean anything,’ Cecilia said, trying to sound calm.‘It’s probably just some crazy …’She couldn’t finish.Jordan was crouching down, opening the plastic bag of rubbish.Chip packets, ice-cream container, biscuit crumbs.Cecilia felt as though she was going to faint.There didn’t seem to be anything she could say.No lie she could weave together, this time.She wished they would go, leave her alone.‘Cec, we don’t know who wrote the note,’ Lee said, her voice wobbling a bit, ‘but we do think there’s a problem.And we want to help you.We just don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself.’‘We rang a helpline,’ Jordan said, and at least she was shoving the evidence back in the bag.At least now it was out of sight, pushed under the bed.‘The thing is, they asked a heap of questions that we couldn’t answer.Like, how do you see yourself? Do you have a real sense of how you actually look?’‘You’re tiny, Cec,’ Meredith joined in.‘Do you know that? And you’re going to get sick if you keep going like this.We love you, we all do, and we want you to be well.The helpline lady explained that this is an illness, a disease.But she also said that it really needs to be you who rings.Cec, I don’t know how to say this properly.But you’re not just your body, you know.’Cecilia’s head ached.If only all this noise would go away.If only they would stop talking and asking questions.‘Go,’ she said.‘Just get out.’ Cecilia needed this to stop.Now.‘Just go.’The silence was deafening.The girls seemed immune.‘Cec, talk to us.Please,’ Lee said, and there were tears building up in her eyes.‘I can’t,’ Cecilia yelled.And she really couldn’t.She wouldn’t have known where to begin.She wouldn’t have known when to stop.‘I can’t,’ she said again, but this time her voice was soft.‘Here,’ Lee said, holding a card out to Cecilia.Cecilia didn’t look up.Lee reached over and put it on Cecilia’s desk, next to the card that said Grace.‘It’s the number for the helpline.’Cecilia was a robot as they hugged her, one by one.She couldn’t look at anyone.Their footsteps sounded up the hallway.The front door was gently closed.And then she was alone.Cecilia slumped on the carpet floor.She smelled the incense oil, gulped back the nasty taste in her mouth.It was a while before she could think at all.She stared at the cards on her desk.Reaching under the bed, she brought the plastic bag out from under the bed.She counted the empty packets [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]